Mar 31, 2009
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Jay Cutler Receives Poor Performance Review From New Broncos Head Coach

cutler

Excerpted from the Denver Zephyr:

The anonymous source gave the Zephyr an exclusive glimpse at the performance review.

Positive Attributes:

Has a great arm.

Community involvement.

Verbal sparring with Philip Rivers

Potential:

Has great potential. Not as much as Matt Cassel, but still pretty good.

Needed Performance Improvement:

Returning coaches’ text messages

Adapting well to change

Maintaining a positive attitude when under stress

Happy to be here

Being okay with the coaches going behind his back to try swap him for a QB he considers inferior

Throwing into triple coverage while rolling out to his right

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Written by News Grift in: Fake News from News Grift, NFL | Tags: ,
Mar 06, 2009
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Homer Simpson Still Fuming After Being Swindled Out of Controlling Interest of Denver Broncos

simpsons

Excerpted from the Springfield Beacon:

Close associates of Simpson say that he’s still quite angry over having lost control of the controlling interest in the team.  One such associate, who preferred to remain nameless, said:

“What happened to Homer ain’t right.  He put his time in with Hank Scorpio and the Globex Corporation and rightly deserved that sorry sack of a football team.  I mean, jeez, just ’cause Homer supported the Springfield Monorail means the Bowlens can put a lien against the team?  Doesn’t make sense to me, but (Lionel) Hutz told Homer he doesn’t have a case.”

“Now are you going to order something or what?”

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