I’ll preface this by saying I love Larry “freaking” King.  And I enjoyed his excerpted yarn about winning $8,000 bucks at the track back in 1971.

And I was going to give him the benefit of the doubt that he did actually win at the track, even though the filly he says he bet big on never actually won a race.

Well, until it turned out the filly wasn’t alive in 1971 and Calder, the track he was supposedly at, didn’t offer trifecta wagering in 1971.

Ah, who am I kidding. This is just an excuse to show Larry King dancing.  You’re welcome.

Or, “What’s waiting behind aisle #2?”

What stops an old guy from putting on his Fruit of the Looms in a gym locker room?  Too much my friends, far too much.  How many times do I have to walk into my local fitness club and witness senior porn?

Putting on their socks…in the nude.

Shaving…nude.

Checking phone messages…nuderama.

Deodorant…nuder.

Going for an additional head and groin towel-off…Old McNudald.

Big arm stretch and waist twist…Bachman-Nuder Overdrive.

(…more…)

Test subjects who on average would only last 30 seconds in the sack are now able to withstand nature’s urges for a whopping 4 minutes by using this spray and, presumably, focusing on pre-steroid era baseball stats.

Glorious performance is now at our their fingertips.

No, thank you Science.

BBC Link

This story about the “Tim Tebow Plaque” is neither new or very interesting, but I’m outraged that Tim Tebow has received this honor before alumni like Nobel Prize winning chemist Robert Grubbs or David freakin’ Eckstein.

Well, maybe just surprised.

(via Big Lead)

This is Pedro Olivia, kayaker.  Soon to be known as Pedro Olivia, kayaker who jumped off 127 foot Salto Belo falls in Brazil.

I know he’s Brazilian, but this just makes me want to chant U-S-A, U-S-A.

(via con leather)

Don’t worry, it’s cool.  The guy who’s face is contorted like Fire Marshall Bill only suffered a broken rib.  You’re free to chuckle and guffaw at his misfortune and the other dude’s amazing confidence that he and his beer are out of harm’s way.

Billy Packer once hired a psychic to find the murder weapon in the OJ case. More and, more importantly, audio at Deadspin.

Am I the only one who’s extrapolating this into a new CBS crime-solving drama next fall?  Packer as the curmudgeon/ lead detective with Bill Raftery and Gus Johnson as his assistants.  Hilarity and serious crime sleuthing ensues…

If there’s something I’ve always said, it’s that we need more investigative reporting into professional sports figures’ bacne.

For shame, NY Times, for shame.

Damnit!  Get this guy over to the Middle East, stat!

“Israel, Numerous Countries That Hate Israel, this is Gheorghe Muresan and he’s going to be your mediator this week.”

And world peace…

(wonderful photo provided by Busted Coverage)

A Good Salvo:

The Response: