Excerpted from the Phoenix Oracle:

A surprising winner was announced for the Associated Press’ 2008 NFL Comeback Player of the Year award.  The landslide winner was Brenda Warner’s hair.  Said one voter, who wished to remain anonymous:

“Sure, her husband and Chad Pennington had good years, but I just felt there wasn’t a more pleasant surprise than the haircut she’s been sporting recently.  That was the only thing people were talking about the week leading into the Super Bowl.  All you’d hear were superlatives like ‘fetching’ and ‘enchanting’ when people were speaking about her new look.  So, to me it was a no brainer.”

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Excerpted from the Canton Intelligencer:

A Pro Football HoF voter, who wished to remain anonymous, cited Woodson’s NES Tecmo Super Bowl performances against the old AFC Central as a determining factor in his mind.

Said the voter:

“I mean, sure, he would eat up Houston and Cincinnati, but, geez, that guy just gutted the Browns.  You’d think you’d have the deep ball and then out of no where there’d be Woodson for the INT.  I, mean, he’d be at the line of scrimmage for Christ’s sake.  I’ve never seen such closing speed.”

“And don’t even think about throwing a slant to his side if the Steelers guessed your play.  That’d be a sure pick.”

Read more news satire at News Grift.