I recently re-established my golf handicap this season.  The process has always been a flaky one for me.  Nevertheless, a handful of scores later, I acquired a number that is supposed to be the average amount I shoot over par in a given 18-hole round.  As I logged into my state golf association website, I was able to view all the rules and by-laws regarding the establishment of said handicap.  In big letters read, “A SCORE IS NOT ELGIBLE IF THE PLAYER PLAYS WITH NON-REGULATION CLUBS OR BALLS.”  That’s the warning that gets the top billing?  THAT’s what the association is worried about?  That I might pull a Rodney Dangerfield from Caddyshack and nail a 30-footer for birdie using an Albert Einstein-designed putter?  (…more…)

Wally Backman’s masterful rant got me in the mood to dig up Tommy Lasorda’s eloquent response to the accusation that, as manager of the Dodgers, he was telling his pitchers to throw at various Padres.

NSFW due to profanity-laced wittiness.  Enjoy.

(NSFW due to sublime use of profanity.)

Currently the manager for the South Georgia Peanuts, Backman is widely know for his days with the NY Mets.  Here’s his bio for those who can’t quite place him.

We missed f*cking megasigns.

(Via With Leather)

Or, “Seriously, why are they still here?”

I would never want total amnesia. One benefit, however, would be a chance to revisit all the routine things we do and see every day and to pick out all the stuff that doesn’t make any sense. Take a basketball game, for instance…

I’m pretty sure the first thing I would question is who in the hell are these “cheerleaders” in the goofy school-colored uniforms that don’t resemble anything a female on this planet would ever wear (at least in this millennium)? How about the dudes grabbing their butts as they hoist them over their heads?…I guess I can partially make sense of that.

(…more…)

Or, “What’s waiting behind aisle #2?”

What stops an old guy from putting on his Fruit of the Looms in a gym locker room?  Too much my friends, far too much.  How many times do I have to walk into my local fitness club and witness senior porn?

Putting on their socks…in the nude.

Shaving…nude.

Checking phone messages…nuderama.

Deodorant…nuder.

Going for an additional head and groin towel-off…Old McNudald.

Big arm stretch and waist twist…Bachman-Nuder Overdrive.

(…more…)

NeoSabonis will be doing a live-tweet of the Blazers - Jazz game tonight.  All the Deron Williams/Brandon Roy goodness starts at 7PM Pacific time and can be found at the link below:

http://twitter.com/neosabonis

This story about the “Tim Tebow Plaque” is neither new or very interesting, but I’m outraged that Tim Tebow has received this honor before alumni like Nobel Prize winning chemist Robert Grubbs or David freakin’ Eckstein.

Well, maybe just surprised.

(via Big Lead)

I’m, of course, referring to letting himself be used as a prop for Nate Robinson’s final dunk in the 2009 Slam Dunk Contest.   I can’t conceive of many other competitors in previous Slam Dunk Contests allowing themselves to be shown up in that way.  Can you imagine the glare Michael Jordan would have given ‘Nique back in the day had Wilkins even begun to bring that up?

Bravo, Dwight Howard, for being such a good sport.

Video below:

Joining “Riding the Pine” triggered some memories of a few glorious days of yore and, as sort of an [early] homage to this site, I thought I’d share them:

I’m talking about those days of ‘squeaking it out’ at tryouts amidst that nostalgic smell of sweat, bleacher varnish, and stale Pepsi.

Of sharing the court with the drill team at AM practice and the thrill of “going skins” and showing them just how much a 125-lb frame can stir the soul.

(…more…)

The Oregon Ducks (6-12, Pac-10 0-6 [yup, 0-6]) take a six-game losing streak into tonight’s matchup at Stanford. Relatedly, somewhere on Endor a group of Ewoks are using stone age tools and sharpened sticks to attack an Imperial Walker. Las Vegas is throwing smart money at the small, furry, bears-like creatures (-11).

The Ducks find themselves at the bottom of the Pac-10 standings looking up at Oregon State, a team that set a record last season by losing all 18 of its Pac-10 games. A feat the Ducks don’t want to match.  Michelle Obama’s other brother is not walking through that door.

What’s the problem? Leadership. The Ewoks have it and the Ducks don’t.

(…more…)