I’ll preface this by saying I love Larry “freaking” King.  And I enjoyed his excerpted yarn about winning $8,000 bucks at the track back in 1971.

And I was going to give him the benefit of the doubt that he did actually win at the track, even though the filly he says he bet big on never actually won a race.

Well, until it turned out the filly wasn’t alive in 1971 and Calder, the track he was supposedly at, didn’t offer trifecta wagering in 1971.

Ah, who am I kidding. This is just an excuse to show Larry King dancing.  You’re welcome.

I’m no rocket scientist, but it seems like it would be common sense for the gallery to stand *behind* any non-golf, sports star who’s about to tee off in a celebrity or pro-am tournament.

Especially one who has a well documented history of being as poor a golfer as Charles Barkley.

Especially if you’ve got your frickin’ kid with you.

(via Al and Big Lead)

Wally Backman’s masterful rant got me in the mood to dig up Tommy Lasorda’s eloquent response to the accusation that, as manager of the Dodgers, he was telling his pitchers to throw at various Padres.

NSFW due to profanity-laced wittiness.  Enjoy.

(NSFW due to sublime use of profanity.)

Currently the manager for the South Georgia Peanuts, Backman is widely know for his days with the NY Mets.  Here’s his bio for those who can’t quite place him.

We missed f*cking megasigns.

(Via With Leather)

Excerpted from the Chicago Daily Gazette Leader:

One unnamed safety for the Green Bay Packers could hardly contain his glee at the prospect of Favre signing for the Minnesota Vikings.

“It would be fantastic.  There’s no other way of putting it.  I’m in a contract year and this could mean a lot to me.  Agents and statisticians have quantified what each interception is worth to a starting safety with my experience.  Want to know what it is?”

“$93, 473.   And you can imagine how loose Favre’s going to be with the ball, during what would have to be his last go around.”

“Conservatively, the minute he signs on the dotted line, I’ve got two INTs in the bag.  It’s going to be great.”

Read more news satire at News Grift.

Excerpted from the Los Angeles Informer:

Dodger fan Ricky Wormwicker expressed his surprise at the cause of the 50 game suspension.

“Performance enhancing drugs?  Really?  That sort of implies that he gives a {expletive}, which, from all accounts, doesn’t seem to be or ever have been his M.O.”

“That means modus operandi, in case you didn’t…oh, you knew that.  Sorry.”

Read more news satire at News Grift.